Why do I hold you?

I just woke up from a dream.

It's rare that a dream affects me so much that I can't go back to sleep.

I can't.

Not now.

It was (for me) a typically odd dream.

To summarize it was me and another person (sometime it was someone I know, sometimes not even though it all took place in one room in one house) looking for "clues" to solve some "puzzle".

As the hunt dragged on and on it got more and more confusing and it seemed there was no sensible answer.

Eventually one of my helpers explained that the entire time it was just me wandering around listening to music.

I was losing my mind but no one had told me.  They just played along.  I didn't know.  I thought everything was normal and I was fine.

So Michelle leads me home with me having this new found self-awareness.

And I keep asking her, in a moment of lucidity, if what I am seeing is real.  And I keep begging her to tell me where I really am so *I* can see it and not be lost in my own mind!

And she keeps telling me "it's not that easy".

We end up in our home.  Not our real home, but our home that in the dream was our home.

And my parents are there to help her with me.

And while I can hear my dad talk to Michelle about all the times I have been "slipping" and about how I don't even know it is happening the image in the dream get dark. Then light.  Then fuzzy.  Then clear.

At one point I am trying to type a message on my phone. Words will not come out right.  I can't spell.  I can't articulate my thoughts.

All the while the room gets darker and lighter.  Moments of clarity then fogginess.

Dad is worried that I'll disturb mom.  And now I realize it was weird that she was the quiet one during all of this and dad was the one talking the whole time.

I start walking around the room to throw my phone down and I make my way around the bed, drop it on a dresser along with whatever else is in my hand.  I start walking back toward the other side of the bed and the room is going dark again.

But I see a figure.

I "know" it is Michelle but it is just an outline.  A shadow that I can still see in the darkened room.

And I reach out to hug her.

And as I do I say:

"Do you know why I hug you?  But when I am with you I know it's real."















And I woke up sobbing.

"When I am with you I know it's real."

And at 2 am I am trying to put into words a dream so real, so devastating that even now I am crying as I type it out.

"When I am with you I know it's real."

And 15 minutes later I am wide awake.  I cannot go to sleep.  And I still get tears in my eyes.

"When I am with you I know it's real."

I've never had a more powerful dream in all my 47 years.

"When I am with you I know it's real."

Thanks for reading.

~ Glenn
4/18/2017
2:07 am